What the Gottman Relationship Databank Can Teach Us About Successful Relationships

Introduction

The Gottman Relationship Databank is a collection of data from over 7,000 couples who have participated in research studies conducted by Dr. John Gottman and his colleagues. The databank includes information on the couples’ communication, conflict resolution, and emotional expression.

The databank was created in 1986 to help researchers better understand the dynamics of successful and unsuccessful relationships. It has been used by researchers, clinicians, and couples themselves to learn more about what makes relationships work and how to improve them.

The databank is made up of three main components:

• Couples’ videotaped interactions: The couples in the databank were videotaped while they discussed a variety of topics, such as their finances, sex, and parenting. The tapes were coded by trained observers, who identified the couples’ communication patterns, conflict resolution styles, and emotional expressions.
• Couples’ self-reports: The couples in the databank also completed a variety of questionnaires, which asked them about their relationship satisfaction, communication, and conflict resolution skills.
• Couples’ physiological data: The couples in the databank also had their heart rate, blood pressure, and skin conductance measured while they discussed a conflict topic. This data was used to assess the couples’ stress levels and emotional responses.

Purpose

The Gottman Relationship Databank is a valuable resource for anyone who is interested in improving their relationships. It provides insights into the dynamics of successful and unsuccessful relationships, and it can be used to develop interventions that can help couples improve their communication, conflict resolution, and emotional expression.

The databank can be used by researchers to:

• Identify the factors that are associated with successful and unsuccessful relationships.
• Develop and test interventions that can help couples improve their relationships.
• Train clinicians in couples therapy.

The databank can also be used by couples themselves to:

• Learn more about the dynamics of their own relationship.
• Identify areas where they can improve their communication, conflict resolution, and emotional expression.
• Find resources to help them improve their relationship.

Creation and Use

The Gottman Relationship Databank was created by Dr. John Gottman and his colleagues at the Gottman Institute. The databank was created by collecting data from couples who participated in research studies conducted by the Gottman Institute.

The databank is used by researchers, clinicians, and couples themselves. Researchers use the databank to identify the factors that are associated with successful and unsuccessful relationships. Clinicians use the databank to train in couples therapy. Couples themselves use the databank to learn more about the dynamics of their own relationship and to find resources to help them improve their relationship.

Summary of Key Findings

The Gottman Relationship Databank has been used to identify a number of key findings about successful and unsuccessful relationships. Some of these findings include:

Finding	Description
Negative communication is a major predictor of relationship problems.	Couples who use negative communication patterns, such as criticism, blame, and defensiveness, are more likely to have unhappy and unstable relationships.
Couples who are able to resolve conflict effectively are more likely to have happy and fulfilling relationships.	Couples who are able to communicate openly and honestly about their problems, and who are able to compromise and find solutions that work for both of them, are more likely to have successful relationships.
Emotional expression can change significantly over the course of a relationship.	In the early stages of a relationship, couples are more likely to express positive emotions, such as love, joy, and gratitude. However, as the relationship progresses, couples may become more likely to express negative emotions, such as anger, sadness, and fear. This is normal, but it is important for couples to find healthy ways to express their emotions.
Couples who are committed to their relationship and who are willing to work on it are more likely to succeed.	Couples who are willing to put in the time and effort to improve their relationship are more likely to be successful. This includes being willing to communicate openly and honestly, to resolve conflict effectively, and to express their emotions in a healthy way.

Key Findings from the Gottman Relationship Databank

The Gottman Relationship Databank is a collection of data from over 7,000 couples who have participated in research studies conducted by Dr. John Gottman and his colleagues. The databank includes information on the couples’ communication, conflict resolution, and emotional expression.

The databank has been used to identify a number of key findings about successful and unsuccessful relationships. Some of these findings include:

Identify the most common patterns of communication in couples

• Negative communication is a major predictor of relationship problems. Couples who use negative communication patterns, such as criticism, blame, and defensiveness, are more likely to have unhappy and unstable relationships.
• Positive communication is associated with happy and fulfilling relationships. Couples who use positive communication patterns, such as appreciation, validation, and humor, are more likely to have successful relationships.
• The Gottman Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are four negative communication patterns that are particularly harmful to relationships: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.

How couples resolve conflict

• Couples who are able to resolve conflict effectively are more likely to have happy and fulfilling relationships. Couples who are able to communicate openly and honestly about their problems, and who are able to compromise and find solutions that work for both of them, are more likely to have successful relationships.
• Couples who use destructive conflict resolution strategies, such as yelling, name-calling, and blaming, are more likely to have unhappy and unstable relationships.
• The Gottman Method is a couples therapy approach that focuses on teaching couples how to communicate more effectively and resolve conflict in a healthy way.

How emotional expression changes over the course of a relationship

• In the early stages of a relationship, couples are more likely to express positive emotions, such as love, joy, and gratitude. However, as the relationship progresses, couples may become more likely to express negative emotions, such as anger, sadness, and fear. This is normal, but it is important for couples to find healthy ways to express their emotions.
• Couples who are able to express their emotions in a healthy way are more likely to have happy and fulfilling relationships. This includes being able to communicate their emotions in a clear and direct way, and being able to listen to and understand their partner’s emotions.

Factors that are associated with positive outcomes in couples therapy

• Couples who are committed to their relationship and who are willing to work on it are more likely to benefit from couples therapy.
• Couples who are able to communicate openly and honestly about their problems are more likely to benefit from couples therapy.
• Couples who are willing to learn new skills and strategies for communicating and resolving conflict are more likely to benefit from couples therapy.

Data Table

The following table summarizes the key findings from the Gottman Relationship Databank:

Finding	Description
Negative communication	Couples who use negative communication patterns, such as criticism, blame, and defensiveness, are more likely to have unhappy and unstable relationships.
Positive communication	Couples who use positive communication patterns, such as appreciation, validation, and humor, are more likely to have successful relationships.
The Gottman Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse	Four negative communication patterns that are particularly harmful to relationships: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
Conflict resolution	Couples who are able to resolve conflict effectively are more likely to have happy and fulfilling relationships.
The Gottman Method	A couples therapy approach that focuses on teaching couples how to communicate more effectively and resolve conflict in a healthy way.
Emotional expression	In the early stages of a relationship, couples are more likely to express positive emotions, such as love, joy, and gratitude. However, as the relationship progresses, couples may become more likely to express negative emotions, such as anger, sadness, and fear. This is normal, but it is important for couples to find healthy ways to express their emotions.
Couples therapy	Couples who are committed to their relationship and who are willing to work on it are more likely to benefit from couples therapy.

Implications of the Gottman Relationship Databank

The Gottman Relationship Databank has a number of implications for couples therapy. First, it can help therapists identify the patterns of communication and conflict resolution that are associated with successful and unsuccessful relationships. This information can be used to tailor therapy interventions to the specific needs of each couple.

Second, the databank can help therapists assess the progress of couples therapy. By tracking couples’ communication and conflict resolution skills over time, therapists can see if their interventions are having the desired effect.

Third, the databank can help therapists develop new couples therapy interventions. By studying the patterns of communication and conflict resolution in successful and unsuccessful relationships, therapists can develop new techniques that can help couples improve their relationships.

How the Databank Can Be Used to Improve Couples’ Communication and Conflict Resolution Skills

The Gottman Relationship Databank can be used to improve couples’ communication and conflict resolution skills in a number of ways. First, the databank can provide couples with information about the different patterns of communication and conflict resolution that are associated with successful and unsuccessful relationships. This information can help couples identify the patterns that they are using and learn how to change them.

Second, the databank can provide couples with specific techniques for improving their communication and conflict resolution skills. For example, the databank teaches couples how to use active listening, how to compromise, and how to resolve conflict in a healthy way.

Third, the databank can provide couples with support and encouragement. By sharing their stories with other couples, couples can learn that they are not alone and that there are other couples who are struggling with the same issues.

How the Databank Can Be Used to Develop New Couples Therapy Interventions

The Gottman Relationship Databank can be used to develop new couples therapy interventions in a number of ways. First, the databank can be used to identify the specific patterns of communication and conflict resolution that are associated with different types of relationship problems. This information can be used to develop interventions that are specifically designed to address these problems.

Second, the databank can be used to test the effectiveness of different couples therapy interventions. By tracking couples’ progress over time, therapists can see which interventions are most effective in helping couples improve their relationships.

Third, the databank can be used to develop new training programs for couples therapists. By teaching therapists about the patterns of communication and conflict resolution that are associated with successful and unsuccessful relationships, therapists can be better equipped to help couples improve their relationships.

The following table summarizes the key findings from the Gottman Relationship Databank:

Finding	Description
Negative communication	Couples who use negative communication patterns, such as criticism, blame, and defensiveness, are more likely to have unhappy and unstable relationships.
Positive communication	Couples who use positive communication patterns, such as appreciation, validation, and humor, are more likely to have successful relationships.
The Gottman Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse	Four negative communication patterns that are particularly harmful to relationships: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
Conflict resolution	Couples who are able to resolve conflict effectively are more likely to have happy and fulfilling relationships.
Couples therapy	Couples who are committed to their relationship and who are willing to work on it are more likely to benefit from couples therapy.

Here is a more detailed explanation of each finding:

• Negative communication is any communication that is intended to hurt or demean the other person. This includes criticism, blame, name-calling, and insults. Negative communication can damage the emotional bond between partners and make it difficult to resolve conflict.
• Positive communication is any communication that is intended to build up and support the other person. This includes expressions of appreciation, validation, and humor. Positive communication can strengthen the emotional bond between partners and make it easier to resolve conflict.
• The Gottman Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are four negative communication patterns that are particularly harmful to relationships: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
  • Criticism is attacking the other person’s character or personality. For example, saying “You’re always so lazy” or “You’re never there for me.”
  • Contempt is expressing disgust or disdain for the other person. For example, rolling your eyes, sneering, or using sarcasm.
  • Defensiveness is refusing to take responsibility for your own actions or feelings. For example, saying “That’s not what I meant” or “You’re too sensitive.”
  • Stonewalling is withdrawing from the conversation and refusing to engage. For example, refusing to talk, turning away, or leaving the room.
• Conflict resolution is the process of resolving disagreements in a healthy way. This includes communicating openly and honestly, listening to each other’s perspectives, and finding solutions that work for both people.
• Couples therapy is a type of therapy that helps couples improve their communication and conflict resolution skills. Couples therapy can be helpful for couples who are struggling with communication problems, conflict, or other relationship issues.

Key Points of the Blog Post

The blog post discusses the key findings from the Gottman Relationship Databank, which is a collection of data from over 7,000 couples who have participated in research studies conducted by Dr. John Gottman and his colleagues. The databank has been used to identify a number of key findings about successful and unsuccessful relationships, including:

• Negative communication is a major predictor of relationship problems. Couples who use negative communication patterns, such as criticism, blame, and defensiveness, are more likely to have unhappy and unstable relationships.
• Positive communication is associated with happy and fulfilling relationships. Couples who use positive communication patterns, such as appreciation, validation, and humor, are more likely to have successful relationships.
• The Gottman Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are four negative communication patterns that are particularly harmful to relationships: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
• Couples who are able to resolve conflict effectively are more likely to have happy and fulfilling relationships. Couples who are able to communicate openly and honestly about their problems, and who are able to compromise and find solutions that work for both of them, are more likely to have successful relationships.
• Couples who use destructive conflict resolution strategies, such as yelling, name-calling, and blaming, are more likely to have unhappy and unstable relationships.
• The Gottman Method is a couples therapy approach that focuses on teaching couples how to communicate more effectively and resolve conflict in a healthy way.
• Emotional expression can change significantly over the course of a relationship. In the early stages of a relationship, couples are more likely to express positive emotions, such as love, joy, and gratitude. However, as the relationship progresses, couples may become more likely to express negative emotions, such as anger, sadness, and fear. This is normal, but it is important for couples to find healthy ways to express their emotions.
• Couples who are able to express their emotions in a healthy way are more likely to have happy and fulfilling relationships. This includes being able to communicate their emotions in a clear and direct way, and being able to listen to and understand their partner’s emotions.
• Couples who are committed to their relationship and who are willing to work on it are more likely to benefit from couples therapy.

Future Directions of Research on the Gottman Relationship Databank

The Gottman Relationship Databank is a valuable resource for researchers and clinicians who are interested in understanding the dynamics of successful and unsuccessful relationships. The databank has been used to identify a number of key findings, but there is still much that we do not know about relationships.

Some of the future directions of research on the Gottman Relationship Databank include:

• Investigating the role of individual differences in the development and maintenance of relationships. For example, how do personality traits, attachment styles, and other individual differences influence the way couples communicate and resolve conflict?
• Exploring the impact of cultural factors on relationships. How do cultural norms and expectations influence the way couples communicate and interact?
• Developing new interventions for couples who are struggling. Can the findings from the Gottman Relationship Databank be used to develop new and more effective couples therapy interventions?
• Using the databank to improve the quality of couples therapy. How can the databank be used to train and supervise couples therapists?

How to Learn More About the Databank and How It Can Be Used to Improve Relationships

If you are interested in learning more about the Gottman Relationship Databank, there are a few resources available to you.

• The Gottman Institute website has a wealth of information about the databank, including research findings, resources for couples, and training programs for clinicians.
• The Gottman Relationship Blog regularly publishes articles about the latest research on relationships.
• The Gottman Institute also offers a variety of online courses and workshops that teach couples how to improve their communication and conflict resolution skills.

If you are struggling in your relationship, I encourage you to seek professional help. Couples therapy can be a helpful way to learn how to communicate more effectively, resolve conflict, and build a stronger relationship.

Citations

• Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The seven principles for making marriage work. New York: Crown.
• Gottman, J. M. (2015). The science of trust: How couples can build lasting relationships. New York: W. W. Norton & Company.
• Gottman, J. M., Swanson, C., Murray, J. D., Swanson, K. R., & Tyson, R. (2002). Predicting marital happiness and stability from newlywed interactions. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 81(2), 702-717.
• Gottman, J. M., & Levenson, R. W. (1992). Marital processes predictive of later dissolution: Behavior, affect, and physiology. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 63(2), 221-233.
• Gottman, J. M., & Notarius, C. I. (2000). Decade review: Predicting the course of marriages. Journal of Marriage and Family, 62(4), 816-834.